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More Stuff Mothers Poetry Spirituality Women Writing

Carpe Diem

 

Sleeping like…

Stopping herself mid sentence

The phrase too perfect to exclaim

She peered into the room

Where her Mother’s last days

Lived in a kind of innocent joy

Peppered with excruciating pain

 

Every day a journey

This one quiet and gentle

Her soft snore revealing nothing

Her open mouth seemed

Her soul’s easy exit

 

Lavender perfume

Purposefully administered

Abated the dull roar of transition

While friends whispered incantations

Of what still needed to be done

 

Once again she stepped over the threshold

Into an unworldly experience of love

A love almost unbearable

As passage seemed eminent

And all seemed in agreement

 

Perhaps one more rally

One more chance to share stories

But having not spoken in three days

It seemed impossible to imagine

 

She sunk into the bedside witness chair

And laying back to perhaps join her Mother’s dreams

She fell fast asleep

Awakening from a peaceful, dreamless sleep

She knew it to be her time to say good-bye

 

Placing her lips on her Mother’s cheek

Knowing it might be the final life kiss

She once again breathed in her scent

As flashes of childhood roared by

 

 

Whispering their secret mantra

“I love you so…always have and always will”

She took her leave without looking back

“I love you so…always have and always will”

She knew it was her time

Their mutual love might delay her passing

 

As if still in that dreamless sleep

She exited her Mother’s apartment

Walking down the hall

She moved through the front door

And as she breathed in the fresh air

She looked up into the sky

To see a new moon

 

Just three hours later

Her angelic caretaker

A buffed, soft spoken giant of a man

Witnessed her Mother’s last breath

He shared with the Daughter

It was gentle and sweet

 

And as Mother and Daughter

Celebrated a new beginning

A kind of metaphoric birth ensued

Both stepping soundly into a new life

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More Stuff Poetry Spirituality Women Writing

The Eulogy

It’s challenging to hone down who my Mother was. She was so many, many things. She was kind, strong, innocent, charming, impossible, artistic, conservative, wild, enthusiastic, non judging, loving, indomitable….once she set her mind on something she wanted to accomplish you could never talk her out of it. Which is part of what made her such an incredible fund raiser…there was virtually no way to say no to her. She would charm the money right out of you.

When I was young she developed an addiction to alcohol. Mind you she never, ever neglected my well being but she would drink way too much at night and when she retired after marrying George the drinking was exacerbated. But once she realized that she was hurting not only herself but her family she was determined to quit. She stopped drinking close to 40 years ago. I call that true indomitability.

Some of you might remember when “Gone With the Wind” would play a yearly limited engagement at the local Cinerama movie theatre. Mom and I would go every year. By the intermission she would be crying like a baby…her favorite expression in life came from that movie…”I won’t think about that today…I’ll think about tomorrow”. That saying got us through a lot…anytime life looked bleak or difficult…”I won’t think about that today…I’ll think about that tomorrow”.

She never ever discriminated. This applied not only to race and creed but also to station. She was fascinated by people. Whether you were a bus boy at the local diner or the CEO of a fortune five hundred company, she saw you as equal. And she was sincerely interested in knowing what your life was like…”Do you like being a bus boy?…Are the tips good? Do you have a family? How many children do you have?”…

And she loved babies. If there was a baby within site she would immediately go over to it and tell the mother and/or father that their baby was the cutest baby she had ever seen. “Hello there little one…how are you?” The baby would giggle and the parents would smile…and everybody would be so happy…

My husband and I were unable to have children. But we have dogs…many dogs through the years. And they became her grand children. She would send us cookies for the dogs and toys and doggie collars. She never forgot Christmas presents for them. When we would be on the phone with one another she would always ask “So how are the doggies? Tell me what they’re doing…”. “Well Kobi’s napping right now and Oscar just got up from his nap and is walking outside…” “Really…why do you think they sleep so much?” Tough questions…her innocence was an intoxicating aspect of who she was.

But mostly I would say she loved. Deeply. She never got off the phone without saying…”I love you Kristina…always have and always will”. There were times she drove me crazy. But all those little things that made me crazy were also the things that brought me the greatest admiration for her. She loved. So much so that I thought at times our hearts would break in two. She fought such a good fight. And it was the love that brought her through many difficult times in recent years. Love was at the very root of who she was. It has become my legacy. I am going to miss her deeply. She gave me so many gifts through her experience of life. I am forever proud and grateful….I love you Mom…always have and always will. Thank you.

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Illness More Stuff Mothers Poetry Spirituality Women Writing

Sitting Shiva

Yesterday good

Today tough

Friends stop by

Burns her out

Telling them

Keep it short

Best friend here

Laughing

Crying

Having fun

I’m beat

Can’t sleep

Emotional wreck

Home Monday

Cross fingers

Till then

We reminice

Telling stories

Time together

Time apart

Letting go

Loving so

What a lot of work

 

xo

 

PS

Eating like crap

Major cleanse time

 

 

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More Stuff Poetry Spirituality Women Writing

Sacred Circle

They sit in sacred circle embracing
Legs crossed, eyes closed
Silence beaconing power
Every nest filled with eggs
Their seats uniquely press
Emergent power now birthing
Each holds sacred her call
Adorned in distinctive costume expressing
One donned in yards of Indian sparkle
One simply white tea-shirt clad
One short haired blonde scrunched with goo
Another with silken black hair cascading
Cloaked for a world choked in fear
Each style reflecting her soul
Voices ring out with celestial music calling
Sirens seduce a simple bija caw
The Goddess appears full light abounding
Holding the mirror reflecting beauty’s awe
Every soul’s unique note blends seamless
A symphony of influence now ignites
Each song pronouncing her light

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More Stuff Poetry Spirituality Women

Blood’s Moon Delighting

blood’s moon delighting

full, juicy, exciting

 

i offered rainbows to her light

she crooned

balancing heart’s deep enchantment

i howled

caressed by shadow’s nourishment

she winked

echoes of reds gently cascaded

i smiled

turning within to my womb

we prayed

 

for answers not even She could offer

her story embracing

 

as we danced through the night

i blossomed

enchanting starlit wonderlands

she opened

moving closer to cause

i intoned

opening my yearnings

she caressed

dripping the sky in glittery abandon

we merged

 

and worshiped the causeless

then nestled into our shadow light

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More Stuff Poetry Spirituality Women

Consuming Fires Igniting

i buckle

in surrender

now full in pieces

 

i hopscotch into innocence

landing in Mother’s arms

baring my soul

baring my world

remembering nothing yet everything

 

i expand

in wonderment

now empty of want

 

i bow in memories dear

visions pass through the cavern’s of my heart

still wishing for the return

still hoping for completion

dreaming of rhapsody’s sweet splendor

 

i create

in devotion

now spinning in joy

 

dreams pass away

ever-consuming fires burn deep

karmas relinquish their hold

karmas blow in the wind

unwinding into yesterday’s understanding

 

i fly

in freedom

now awake with visions

 

rebuilding crumbles yesterday’s belief

the awakening accelerates

visions offer hope

visions open windows

allowing the gathering to offer salvation

 

i sing

in grace

now fully present

 

the many selves become the one

the expansion becomes self evident

circling in the wake

circling in the now

while all parts disintegrate into union

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More Stuff Poetry Spirituality Writing

Crossing Boundaries

Crossing boundaries

Wicked lies

Wandering wonders

Offered cries

 

Bowing to altars

Steeped in illusion

Buying power

With all its confusion

 

Planting seeds

Thoughts crumbled to dust

Clouding vision

As minds turned to rust

 

Howling the heavens

Corrupted by fear

Seeking glitter-filled skies

Yet none dared appear

 

They danced dark’s arising

With answers to whys

Offering gifts

Where weakness abides

 

Fear opens doors

When minds live in tomorrow

Conjuring lies

In shadow’s deep sorrow

 

Nothing is sacred

When demons run rampant

Yet staying centered

Offers true heart’s enchantment

 

Heaven’s gates opened

Devis pledged love light tender

Offering visions

Of Mother’s pure splendor

 

Stars sang her mantras

The night filled with delight

Whispering moon songs

We surrendered our fright

 

As the storm calmed

Hearts filled with compassion

Sprinkling Heaven

With purposeful action

 

We prayed for the sacred

We bowed to what’s right

We honored the choices

We surrendered to light

 

Now fully intoning

Love’s magical ways

We entered Ma’s heart

Through moonlight’s soft rays

 

We wandered night’s bounty

We wandered night’s light

We prayed for compassion

Then took off in pure flight

 

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Transformations

Healing mercies tender and strange

Waking past midnight feeling deranged

Wondering whether the depth where we met

Emptied sweetly in conscious regret

 

Dancing joyous where others fear treading

Chanting glorious her secrets unending

I chose to remain where others flew away

Offering roses and chocolate in sweet summer’s play

 

Time marched forward constant and steady

I gazed into heaven wondering if I was ready

Yet walking the path we are left with no choice

I dove in with my heart, my light and my voice

 

Wholly surrendering myself to the fire

I bowed to Ma who promptly threw me on the pyre

Her burnt chard lips opened wide drenched in blood

Her skin black coal, her feet soiled in mud

 

She whispered mantras in my ear ‘til I surrendered

Then devoured me whole as I moaned in constant splendor

I filled my body with hers and she screamed

Rejoicing that my world would awaken from the dream

 

Was it time? Was I steady? Could I wander through the night?

She offered her skull and we soared in joyous flight

A puppet skeleton surrendered in devotion

I no longer needed any magical potion

 

Her ink-black eyes pierced pools of lusty pleasure

As she painted tattoos revealing buried treasure

My skin now blackened, a map of her designing

My body her toy, my soul her divining

 

My queendom now full of Her tender, pure grace

I step forward past time in synchronic pace

I bow to the world, my once earth-bound karmas

And open my arms to Ma’s sweet, blessed dharmas

 

 

 

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The Way Home

Barely dreaming

She walks into the night before me
I whisper
Then realizing shadow’s looming
I sing
Golden lights burning
Mantras pulsing

Uncertain she turns

Looking back for a breath
I pause
Seeing her disremembering
I coo
Silver threads illuminating
Echoing memories

Moving with caution

Tense with mistrust she wavers
I touch
She softens past fear
I hum
Opening to the light
Surrendering time

Initiating devotion

Firming my hand in hers
I press
She eases her reluctance
I giggle
Dancing with Angels
She melts into pleasure

Entering eternity

Each moment a blessing
I cry
She blows me a kiss
I crumble
Offering her heart
She waves good-bye